ten_fwd | Wandering lost

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Wandering lost - OTA

Prim promised her friends she'd make the effort, and she was trying. Trying to have reasons other than feeding her animals to live, to keep moving. But it was hard, so hard. Her limbs felt leaden and her head ached and all she wanted to do was sleep. But she promised. So she was trying to find Killian and Fatima. Show them she was alive, so she could go back to her quarters again. With the ghost roommate who couldn't tell her if the lack of Katniss' ghost was a good thing or a bad one.

The lack of Katniss. Tears welled in hollow eyes. Would this feeling of being scraped out and empty ever go away? No Katniss. No Mom. No district who needed her. No Panem who saw her as the sister of the Girl on Fire. Without Katniss, without her mom, in a place where they don't need medical help from a kid like her... Who was she? What was the point of her?

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Since her talk with Beverly, Fatima's spirits had improved somewhat. The survivor's guilt would always be there, she knew. But it felt good to be actively doing something, even if it was as trivial as throwing a party. What mattered was the catharsis. That's what Aristotle said. And Auntie Dian had always said that Aristotle was a 'groovy' philosopher.

With renewed energy, she decided the time had finally come to figure out how to work the holodeck.

...which wasn't as easy as it sounded.

She stood outside of one of them, examining the user interface with a scowl. It was different from the replicators, way more complicated. And, if she was completely honest, she hadn't figured out what to ask for.

"Uh...New Orleans? Cerca 2000?"

Prim stopped, seeing Fatima. "Hi," she said softly. She was still wearing the hunting jacket. It looked like it had been at least a week since her last shower or change of clothes. She also looked like she was a few sizes smaller. Like she hadn't been eating. She had dark circles under her eyes and her skin was very pale. She looked like a hollow shell of herself.

Fatima turned around and nearly did a double take. And it took all of her training and discipline to keep her face neutral in light of the shocking change to Prim. It wasn't that Fatima wasn't used to seeing people emaciated and unhappy. Zelien had taught her and many others new meaning to the word 'loss.' It was more that it felt so...unnecessary.

She frowned a little bit, kneeling down to Prim's eye level. She wanted to be careful not to freak the kid out or spook her. "Prim."

"I promised Killian I'd leave my room sometimes, so he could see I'm still alive," she whispered, a tear running down her face. She wasn't sure why she was. Still alive. No one needed her here. Well, except Lady and Buttercup.

There wasn't a maternal bone in Fatima's body. At least, as far as Fatima was concerned. She never wanted to have kids. Who wanted to trade their pretty years for poop and spit-up?

Still. She knew how to handle upset children well enough. After all, dhampir kids were constantly being brought into the compound. As leader of the coven, it was her responsibility to take care of them, at least to assure them that they were safe and would be well cared for under her supervision.

She reached out, putting her hands on Prim's shoulders, gently running her fingers up and down the length of the girl's arms. "I approve of this Killian, whoever he is." Why did that name sound familiar? "You'll have to introduce me sometime."

With her thumb, she wiped away Prim's tear. "But meanwhile, I'd like to introduce you to one of my friends. Would you like that?"

She gave a small nod. "Alright," she said softly. It was hard to tell which of the questions she was responding to. Really it was kind of both. She didn't mind introducing her friends, so long as Killian didn't react to Fatima the way Katniss had.

...Katniss...

She sniffled.

Beverly would fix this. She was a mother. More than that. She was a wonderful person, a steady rock and a helping hand. She'd know what to do, how to help Prim.

Because Fatima knew she didn't.

She stood up, slipping Prim's hand into hers. "Her name is Beverly. She got here a few months ago. I think you'll like her very much."

She closed her hand around Fatimia's in willingness to go with her and shrugged a bit. "Does she like you?" she asked, softly.

"I think so," Fatima said, leading Prim along the hall. There were only so many places Beverly could be, so she'd just rely on the process of elimination. "Don't tell her I said so, but she's kind of like a mother to me."

And there was very little 'kind of' to it.

As they approached the arboretum, Fatima glanced down at Prim. "And I think she'll like you too. Very much."

Fatima's first instinct is correct. Beverly is in the Arboretum with her pruning sheers in hand and a lot on her mind. As soon as she notices people walking towards her -- and it does, admittedly, take her some time -- she smiles. Her face brightens to see Fatima and then warms to see the young girl at her side.

"Well hello there. What brings you two here?"

She looked up at the woman. There might have been nervousness about a strange adult, had been when she arrived, when Katniss was here. But now... now no one could use her to hurt Katniss... so what point was there in being afraid? Besides, Fatima liked her....

"Hi," she said softly, presuming the question was for Fatima, anyway.

And now came the hard part. At least Fatima had the benefit of her height, both natural and from wearing heels. She positioned herself behind Prim, so that Beverly could see her face, but Prim couldn't. It was still difficult to convey her feelings of concern. But at least she wouldn't get caught in the act.

"I wanted you to meet my friend Prim," she said to Beverly, putting her hands on Prim's shoulders gently. "She helped me get my footing when I got whooshed here. Prim, this is Beverly Crusher. She's a very, very important person."

And a doctor. Someone who could help, she hoped. Surely, Beverly could see how frail the girl was.

Beverly's main focus remains on the young girl, Prim, while also giving Fatima part of her attention on the side. She knows there's likely a reason Fatima chooses to stand behind Prim. While most might kneel to face a child of Prim's apparent age, Beverly chooses to treat her as an equal and remains standing. She can indeed tell that the girl is frail and very upset and so she endeavors to put Prim at ease if she can. Her smile warms further at the introduction and she offers Prim a hand to shake.

"It's nice to meet you, Prim. You can just call me Beverly. Fatima is pretty important, too, but don't tell her I said that." She means it as a gentle joke, since Fatima is close enough to hear clearly. "I'm the head doctor here, but I think I've been doing more doctoring of plants today than the crew."

She took the hand when it was offered and shook it. She listened as the woman spoke, and gave a small start of surprise when she spoke about the plants.

"They don't need you either?" she asked softly. If they didn't even need their head doctor, what hope did Prim ever have of being useful? Of being anyone. So long she had always been Katniss' little sister and the next generation of herbwoman, medical assistance for the district. Future doctor - such as one could be in the districts, her mother's daughter, Katniss' sister. These were how she had always defined herself. Buf if she wasn't needed, and she was alone... did she even exist?

Fatima raised her eyebrows at Beverly, wishing that she'd taken the time to study telepathy.

Well. Spilled milk and all.

But she was more than a little relieved to have Beverly around. Damned if she knew how to respond to something like that. As it was, she felt entirely useless on the Enterprise. More of a burden and an oddity than anything else. She'd expressed as much.

Beverly barely glances at Fatima to see if there's anything she might need to communicate, though her smile remains for Prim alone. Hopefully, she's understanding what some of the problem is, though to be completely honest, the girl reminds her of Annie, in different ways. She's been traumatized by something, not to the degree of the Victors like Annie and Finnick, but something had happened to her and Beverly would like to help smooth it out. If Fatima knows what the issue is and can help guide her, all the better.

"Of course they do," she says warmly. "If it were up to me, I would spend all of my time in sickbay. There's always something to do. But we have duty shifts, certain times in the day where we work. Right now isn't my time to work, so I'm somewhere else. I like to keep busy. Just ask Nurse Ogawa. I can't count the times she's had to force me to take time off." A soft but very warm laugh bubbles up from her, as she hopes to put Prim more at ease.

"Is there something you were thinking of doing today?"

"There is nothing for me to be doing today," she said softly. Or any day, really. But if there really was always something for someone to do there... could they use her help? Even if it was just carrying and fetching? She knew... knew she wasn't as educated as the other people here. Not in any way that mattered. No one here much cared about coal, it seemed. If they needed a coal expert, they had her. But no one needed that.

Still, for a moment, there had been almost a glimmer of hope there. If only... if only they could use her, she could help, could learn the medicine here... then she'd have a reason, a way to help people. But she knew that wasn't going to happen. She was just some girl from the districts, useless outside of them.

There it was. The same frustration that Fatima was dealing with, only in a compact size. It was hard not to laugh a little bit. Kids were so much better at expressing themselves, sometimes, than adults.

Problem was, kids also had a harder time dealing with emotions.

"I think she's just looking for an excuse to loaf around in bed," Fatima said, perhaps laying it on a bit thick. "But with hands like hers, I think she'd make a halfway decent gardener."

Beverly chuckles softly, making it clear that she isn't laughing at Prim, but at the idea of being allowed to loaf around. Reaching out, Beverly uses her arms to guide Prim further towards the plant she was working on.

"Well, I'm sure I can fix that," she says warmly. "I'm always looking for assistants. And while we're working, you can tell me what you like to do."

She's sure they can figure out something for Prim to do with her time.

"Y...you want my help?" she asked, going with her, seeming unsure. "Assistants for pants... or for medical things?" she asked, knowing which way she hoped. She liked plants well enough, she guessed, but they hadn't played a big part in her life. At least not the still growing kind. Katniss dealt with plants. She climbed trees like they were ladders, could hide in them, could move in them, use them to help her hunt. She collected the herbs and edible fruits and mushrooms that were outside the fence.

Prim handled them after, washing them, helping to prepare the food and medicines. None of which was needed here.

Fatima shot Beverly an exceedingly grateful look as she followed the two of them over to the plant. The situation already felt diffused and she was glad. After all, what kind of sicko would she be if she enjoyed seeing a kid go through some kind of ontological crisis?

"Looks like she wants your help with plants, kiddo," Fatima said, giving Prim's shoulder a squeeze. "You better listen really carefully. Beverly knows her stuff."

"Plants right now," Beverly admits. "But if you're more interested in something else, I'm sure we could come up with something." Perhaps teaching her the properties of medicinal plants and the like. "I happen to believe medicine and botany can be closely related. I think we have a few medicinal plants in here if you'd like to start with that."

She glances at Fatima, her lips tilting upwards for her friend as well. The compliment is true, though she does appreciate it all the same.

She nodded a bit. "My sister and my father used to collect plants for mother and I to use," she said softly. "I... never had much to do with the plants while they were growing, but I know how to make basic medicines and poultices. Medicine was hard to come by, back home, so whatever we needed, to help people, we made ourselves. I... I have a book... lots of plants, and their uses..." She was afraid to say that much but...

But she wasn't stupid, and while her education was different from Philip's, she still had one. That... still mattered... right? Not that there was anything she could teach this woman, but if this woman knew she had the basics down... maybe she'd teach her more? Enough to let her help sometimes?

"We could have used someone like you in Zelien," Fatima mused.

It was getting easier to talk about Zelien. Especially now that the funeral party was likely. But joking about it was still hard. Fatima forced herself to, if only to stay sane. But she immediately felt guilty about doing it in front of Beverly.

Well. Spilled milk.

"It sounds like you've got a great start," Beverly tells Prim, her expression only barely flickering at the mention of Zelien from Fatima. It isn't as bad as it might be from someone who hadn't been there with her, but with Fatima, Beverly can handle it.

Or so she keeps telling herself.

"She's right. We could have used someone else well-versed in medicinal plants there," she continues, moving around until she finds a patch of plants she thinks will be good to start with. "Why don't we start with what we have here? You can tell me what you already know and we can work on from there. How does that sound?"

Wandering lost - OTA

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If you want to tell me what plants there are/let me choose, her posts can be more detailed. :D

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