it's the only way i can escape }{ OPEN

[ethnobotany]

(( OOC: potential content warnings all over this for mentions of horror game content, telepathic violation, telepathic control of another, sexual harassment, death, etc. Basically, the doctor is not having a good month. ))


The only good thing to have come of Zelien was the ability to deal with horrific and traumatizing events as they happened. Afterwards is another story. Beverly had thought that being able to deal with the events themselves meant that she could deal with everything Q conjured up for them because it was over. She thought she would be fine.

She was wrong. She was so wrong.

The thing Zelien had yet to teach her was how to deal with the aftereffects of trauma. The nightmares flare again, worse than what Q had offered them recently, and even shadows make her twitchy. Memories, fears, anything traumatic that her mind could conjure up, it did. People might not want to be around her this month. She startles at the slightest movement and sometimes her instinct is self-defense, protection, because her mind remembers Zelien and the cultists, the soldiers who jeered, leered, called, and harassed.

The nightmares have her wrestling with the sheets, memories of Jev the Ullian -- was that his name? Have they been here yet? Does she need to prepare for that? -- or Ronin, different contexts, but both violations of her mental self. Of course, both lead to other nightmares of her husband's dead body or some Victorian man about 35 years old not only forcing her into his bed, but forcing her to enjoy it. Sometimes Wesley dies in place of Jack and she wakes up sobbing. Sometimes Jean-Luc's lifeless body haunts her, the Borg come in to take over the ship yet again, or the entire crew is systematically murdered to torment her. The last to die is always Jean-Luc because her subconscious mind knows that his death will haunt her the most. These and others cause her to bolt out of her quarters in the dead of night out of sheer, blind panic, heading for somewhere she can feel safe.

Most of the time, she can be found in a corner of the Arboretum. Here, she is either asleep, though it's a fitful sleep that she wakes easily from and often in a state of terror; sitting with her hands over her ears and eyes squeezed shut against that feeling of panic; or sitting with her knees tucked up to her chin and a dead look to her eyes while she stares straight ahead. When she isn't there, she might be in the holodeck, using a program of an open meadow. No walls or buildings will be in sight, not even that new cabin that she would so love normally. She remembers so clearly those buildings on that campus, remembers the sights and sounds and smells of the acid. Stomach acid. Like the buildings were alive and trying to eat them all. At least the meadow means nothing will be eating her alive. When she isn't in either of those places, she's likely in the gym, practicing Mok'bara to meditate and calm her nerves. Intruders might want to make their presence known before they startle her. Beverly is back to being twitchy and that means nothing good will come of it. What she needs are distractions, as many as possible, and people who are willing to work with her trauma.

She'll get better over the course of the month, but in the beginning and middle, she is not doing well at all.

Comments

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

Regardless of her twitchiness, there was not a lot of things you could do to a man who's dead. Bob preferred to be in the Arboretum. For one, the flowers are actually real here. For another, he has some experience, given the hard winters of where he grew up and lived most of his life.

He bent down to rub the cabbage leaves, before looking over at her when she jerks away. "Hello, Doctor," he greeted her, louder than he might have if she was waking normally, but otherwise utterly not acknowledging her mental state.

[general_chang]

General Chang tends to move quietly as a rule and he's not concerned with setting the Doctor off. He's slightly more interested in her performing the Mok'bara, but not surprised. The Klingon security officer explained that much.

He noticed she was far too tense.

[radishearring]

Luna had been in the Arboretum quite often outside of classes since the nightmares were almost eating her alive emotionally. The manor had invaded and given how recent it all was (at least it felt that way) the effects on the young witch were at its worst and most painful (which made her recovery even slower). But in an attempt at pretending everything was fine she had her sketchbook and was working on a project,"Wonder how an herb garden would work in a place like this?" she muses aloud.

But she knew if the Death Eaters were to find her she could fight back even with a bad wrist.

Her eyes however spoke another and much darker tale.

Arboretum

[treadswater]

Annie is usually at a loss with other people's traumas, or so she thinks. She knows victors, in some general trends, and she knows those she's lived with, and she knows herself. She's getting to know Beverly, but it's still so much guesswork.

But.

Beverly is her friend, so Annie tries. She treats the woman as normal, where she can. Trying to pull her out of the nightmare her brain has settled itself into. They have their gardening project, which makes it easier to interact with the woman without being too pushy.

At least, so Annie hopes.

But then sometimes all Annie knows is to be pushy, in her way. Try and drag a person back to something like the here and now and plans. So one day, once she's done some measurements of the peonies, she flops down near Beverly. Not quite next to, but near.

"If, um. If you wanted some distraction, I could use some advice. On a good thing," she adds.

[element_wizard]

Since Phoenix showed up, Alec's head has been a bit on the flipped side. But Phoenix tended to do that to him. Having a moment to himself, he'd not exactly escaped - but sort of did - to the Arboretum with his guitar like instrument. It was only an escape in that he knew - they both knew - that Alec needed his own space and if he stuck around Phoenix too much before they sorted everything out, Alec'd be following him around like a love-sick puppy.

Which is kinda depressing.

But he's not going to think about that one.

He does spot Beverly as he crossed the way and frowned briefly, then he continued a little bit past her and plopped down in a spot that he could see her without turning his head but without looking directly at her. Pulling the instrument around he started to tune it, humming "American Pie" softly as he did so.

Gym!

[fishermansweater]

It's been eleven years since Finnick won the Hunger Games. Eleven years, but he's still as tall, athletic, and physically capable as he always was. Not just because of natural skill, but because of training. Hard training, exercise, practice: swimming, running, sparring with the other victors, and the simple daily exertion of fishing and sailing kept him fit and practiced, and he used those skills every year as a mentor. Training for the Quarter Quell had only honed what were already sharp abilities.

Since he got here, his opportunities for training have been less extensive, but he's been using the gym and starting to use the holodeck. He spends time most days in the martial arts training ares in the gym, working on techniques he's picked up in the martial arts classes he's started, combining them with the brutal, effective style he'd learned as a child.

He can spend hours here, and he does, but today he's only halfway through his workout when he sees Beverly approach. It's a sign that she's not at her best that she doesn't seem to notice him. He hadn't known she was a martial artist; whatever she's practicing looks more meditative than combative, but he can see the potential in it.

He starts his cool-down, keeping a wary eye on Beverly, and it's only some time later he actually approaches her, his bare arms still glistening with sweat.

"Hey, Beverly."

Arboretum

[dark_lady_sariss]

The Arboretum had quickly become part of her plans. There was life here, quite a lot of it - and she was certain she could draw on it. If she were to restore her connection to the dark side, it would begin here, and she could twist the life here to her will.

At least, that was her desperate hope. The irony of the emotion was not lost on her.

She came across the physician, and regarded her coldly. There was something about this one. A pain she felt she could use.

"Ah, Doctor. What a...pleasant surprise." And the brief smile that crossed her face had nothing to do with pleasantness.

Gym, early month

[youwillbe]

The ghosts really did a number on Yoda. The thing about Charon and then Zelien was that for all it had been nearly a year since everything went so wrong, he'd scarcely had a moment to truly consider what had happened. And Q had brought him face to face with all the children he had taught. All the children who had been cut down without standing a chance. Even the grown ones had scarcely stood one.

He'd only known Beverly briefly in Zelien, but he remembered her meditation. And he suspects it may work better than his still varieties under the circumstances.

It is rude to interrupt someone in the midst of meditation, so he once again waits for a natural break in the rhythm before getting her attention. "Join you, may I?"

Aboretum

[lost_singularity]

DJ wasn't a stranger to disrupted and horrible sleeps - being a victim of trauma himself. At times in the dead of night he could be found with his guitar up in the Arboretum, taking solace in the plant life and solitude. On the occasion he could be found taking brief naps in places around the ship as well - but tonight he was wide awake.

He was looking for a comfortable spot to settle when he had spotted Beverly in a quiet corner. She looked ragged and pale and didn't look like she was resting well at all. DJ didn't need to have empathy to know and understand what she was going through. He didn't know the how's or the why's but he could understand. He had recognized the kind woman from the funeral party and decided to at least try and return some of that kindness.

From one wounded soul to another.

The tall lanky man sat, settling with his guitar in his lap and data PADD by his leg. He also had a thermos of green tea with him - one of his favorite drinks to relax. He also made sure to sit at a comfortable distance outside of flail range in case she awoke suddenly. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her.

He strummed at the strings very quietly as he sat - eyes closed. He wanted to be there to comfort - as well as in his own way, protect.

All Over

[themerlin]

At some point in the month, she might notice she occasionally had a shadow. Not following her, or intruding, most of the time, but there, sometimes with food and tea, sometimes just nearby and reading. Merlin is one who understands trauma. Two thousand years of wars, torture, and both the best and worst of mankind can teach that. But escaping it? That's a hard one, even for a wizard.

And so, tea, and biscuits, and possibly good books, are nearby, along with the occasional floating treatise on this or that form of medicine or magic.

[ships_counselor]

In the long run, it's a battle between two different things.

One, that as a friend, she can only watch so much before feeling the need to do something and two, that as the Ship's Counselor, she can only wait so long before she would be required to do something professionally if the current issues have ability to impact the crew or any patients negatively as well. Together they tangle a knot in her heart, and have her following Beverly's presence even when they are vast distances apart.

Gentle, unobtrusive , like a temperature gauge more than a record. There are up and downs. Spikes that make her want to go running to Beverly at the oddest times of day or night, but Deanna knows she has to let Beverly choose for herself. Whether she comes to see her in her office. How she decides to heal. Whether she decides to let it out, to talk to anyone. It doesn't make it easy, but it is something Deanna knows. Reminders herself of.

But it doesn't mean, this patient unobtrusive waiting and watching, that she can do nothing at all.

Her hands are not tied, and friendship has it's own rules and exceptions, as well.




Which is why Deanna walks quietly through a gorgeous, billowing, blowing meadow toward her friend and sits down by her quietly. Without speaking a word, demanding anything of her, but unable to stay away, because her heart cannot leave Beverly to feel she has to face anything alone. Not ghosts, or nightmares, memories or her own mind.

She only sits down quietly, settling her more flowy off hours outfit, and runs her fingers gently through the grass.