it's the only way i can escape }{ OPEN

[ethnobotany]

(( OOC: potential content warnings all over this for mentions of horror game content, telepathic violation, telepathic control of another, sexual harassment, death, etc. Basically, the doctor is not having a good month. ))


The only good thing to have come of Zelien was the ability to deal with horrific and traumatizing events as they happened. Afterwards is another story. Beverly had thought that being able to deal with the events themselves meant that she could deal with everything Q conjured up for them because it was over. She thought she would be fine.

She was wrong. She was so wrong.

The thing Zelien had yet to teach her was how to deal with the aftereffects of trauma. The nightmares flare again, worse than what Q had offered them recently, and even shadows make her twitchy. Memories, fears, anything traumatic that her mind could conjure up, it did. People might not want to be around her this month. She startles at the slightest movement and sometimes her instinct is self-defense, protection, because her mind remembers Zelien and the cultists, the soldiers who jeered, leered, called, and harassed.

The nightmares have her wrestling with the sheets, memories of Jev the Ullian -- was that his name? Have they been here yet? Does she need to prepare for that? -- or Ronin, different contexts, but both violations of her mental self. Of course, both lead to other nightmares of her husband's dead body or some Victorian man about 35 years old not only forcing her into his bed, but forcing her to enjoy it. Sometimes Wesley dies in place of Jack and she wakes up sobbing. Sometimes Jean-Luc's lifeless body haunts her, the Borg come in to take over the ship yet again, or the entire crew is systematically murdered to torment her. The last to die is always Jean-Luc because her subconscious mind knows that his death will haunt her the most. These and others cause her to bolt out of her quarters in the dead of night out of sheer, blind panic, heading for somewhere she can feel safe.

Most of the time, she can be found in a corner of the Arboretum. Here, she is either asleep, though it's a fitful sleep that she wakes easily from and often in a state of terror; sitting with her hands over her ears and eyes squeezed shut against that feeling of panic; or sitting with her knees tucked up to her chin and a dead look to her eyes while she stares straight ahead. When she isn't there, she might be in the holodeck, using a program of an open meadow. No walls or buildings will be in sight, not even that new cabin that she would so love normally. She remembers so clearly those buildings on that campus, remembers the sights and sounds and smells of the acid. Stomach acid. Like the buildings were alive and trying to eat them all. At least the meadow means nothing will be eating her alive. When she isn't in either of those places, she's likely in the gym, practicing Mok'bara to meditate and calm her nerves. Intruders might want to make their presence known before they startle her. Beverly is back to being twitchy and that means nothing good will come of it. What she needs are distractions, as many as possible, and people who are willing to work with her trauma.

She'll get better over the course of the month, but in the beginning and middle, she is not doing well at all.

Comments

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

Regardless of her twitchiness, there was not a lot of things you could do to a man who's dead. Bob preferred to be in the Arboretum. For one, the flowers are actually real here. For another, he has some experience, given the hard winters of where he grew up and lived most of his life.

He bent down to rub the cabbage leaves, before looking over at her when she jerks away. "Hello, Doctor," he greeted her, louder than he might have if she was waking normally, but otherwise utterly not acknowledging her mental state.

[ethnobotany]

It's a good thing he does announce himself so well. It's also a good thing that she's curled up in a corner, not asleep and not with her hands over her ears. She peers up at him, as though trying to decide if she's seen him before or not.

"Hello," she answers slowly. It takes her a minute, but then her nature kicks in. "Is there... can I help you with something?"

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

He smiles. "I may have a strange case of deja vu, Doctor," he remarks. She asked him the same when she first arrived. "I could make you some bark tea, if you like."

[ethnobotany]

It's something she asks a lot of people, in those exact words. Beverly likes to make sure everyone around her is doing as well as can be and if there is anything she can do, she likes to ask.

Tea sounds good, so she nods after a moment's hesitation. "That would be nice. Thank you." Conversation isn't coming easily, but it will soon enough. She just has to take a little time to pull herself from her thoughts. Tea will help.

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

Her method is probably more logical than his which 'bother until the get whatever it is off their chest'. It's tried and true but a little annoying.

Bob takes some bark that had been shed from a tree and indicates she follow him.

[ethnobotany]

Beverly hesitates for a few long moments. This isn't the time where she feels perfectly comfortable following a relative stranger anywhere. Sure, they've spoken before, but she isn't in the frame of mind to really trust much of anything. Or anyone. This has what Zelien has done to her.

But she weighs that fear with the knowledge that she is capable of defending herself if things go wrong. Not that she expects them to, but... it's better to be prepared.

So after a few obvious minutes of consideration, Beverly slowly pushes herself to her feet and follows.

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

He finds a tea pot that can be heated and manages to fill it up, with the bark pieces, now practically crumbs and sets it going.

While that's going, he finds a couple of cups. "No substitute for the real thing," he says in conversation.

[ethnobotany]

"Not usually, no," she agrees softly, while she watches. "Do you make this often?"

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

"Yes," he nodded. "It's easy to make and where I'm from, trees are everywhere."

[ethnobotany]

"Oh. That's good."

Beverly has little to say of late, so she lapses into silence for a while, watching to see when the tea might be done and how exactly one goes about making bark tea.

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

When he's done, he hands her hers. He's not the talkative type as a rule.

[ethnobotany]

That does make it a little difficult when talking isn't coming easily for her. "Thank you," she says as she takes a sip of the tea. "It tastes very nice." If but a bit interesting. "But I think I should be heading back to my quarters now."

Before she starts getting jumpy again.

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

"Why don't you take a walk instead?" he suggested. Going to her quarters strikes him as a good way to make her feel trapped. "Maybe in that holodeck."

[ethnobotany]

At this point, just about everything is making her feel trapped. He does have a point, though, so she nods slowly. "That's a good idea," she says softly. "I think I might take that advice. I'll see you later. And... thank you again for the tea."

[bob_fraser_rcmp]

"You're very welcome, Doctor," he says.