ten_fwd | [Sickbay]: Round Five Scans and Vaccines

Current Location: Section 23 Baker, Room # 1631: Sickbay

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[Sickbay]: Round Five Scans and Vaccines

Sickbay is fairly ordinary for a ship's hospital. There are no terrifying devices or humming machines you might see in a sci-fi thriller. The biobeds along the walls are equipped with biofunction monitors, but look fairly standard. Instead of silver trays filled with metal tools and sawblades, there are an array of small devices that look as harmless as cell phones. As for the staff, they're all well-groomed and friendly. As a matter of fact, all personnel look harmless. Well, perhaps excluding the sun avatar, but Trance Gemini is as skilled as the Starfleet officers.

If you're new to the ship, no doubt you've been escorted here by the security team. Nothing to worry about, the doctors just want to make sure you aren't carrying any viruses or are vulnerable to terrible space disease. Once you've been checked over — a quick scan from a tricorder and any necessary vaccines — you'll be free to go! Lollipops are optional.

"All right, come in," one of them calls out as you enter. "Don't be shy. It's just a scan and a hypospray, nothing to worry about."

[ooc: Sickbay is as always OTA! For new characters, tagging isn't mandatory but going to sickbay ICly is. So if you'd prefer to skip threading with one of our doctors, you can handwave that your character got a clean bill of health and a shot and were sent on their merry way. For those who are tagging, we have Trance Gemini, Beverly Crusher, and Rory Williams, with Julian Bashir by request only (and possible appearances by Simon Tam). If you have a preference, please specify in the subject line of your tag who you would like. If you would like more details about sickbay, here's the wiki page. If you haven't made your intro yet, you can assume the doctors will want to see your character shortly after they arrive, and backtagging is love!]

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Ezri made a face, despite her emotions and the situation. She knew Julian. And she was a counselor. And she wasn't stupid. Julian was doing what he was so good at, compartmentalizing his emotions, walling them off so he could work. And keeping secrets. She knew just how good he was at keeping secrets. And as much as she appreciated it, considering what was going on, it wasn't healthy for him.

"Julian." Ezri reached out for his hands. "It's me. You don't need to be brave for me. It's just us. You just found out something dreadful is going to happen to one of your best friends. It's okay to not be okay. It's healthy. You're supposed to be upset. Talk to me." She gave him a self deprecating grin. "I'm a counselor you know."

And she was not leaving him like this. No counselor or friend would do that.

"We're not exactly alone in the middle of Sickbay," he points out, ever pragmatic when he needs to be. It's a symptom of being a trauma surgeon, helped along by his mind's enhancements. He has learned how to deal with situations as they existed in front of him--he didn't need to break down at the moment, that was dangerous and pointless. Especially when it wasn't something he could change. Even if he could save Jadzia, it would make sure the woman sitting in front of him didn't exist--not as she was, anyway, which was close enough to ending one life to save another that he wouldn't even consider doing it.

But his eyes were ever the most difficult for him to control, and the hurt and shock were showing through there, plain as day. He can appreciate the advice to lance an infection before it can cause more damage, something that applied just as well to emotions. If he were on the outside looking in, he'd be the first to suggest to whatever hapless person that was getting the world as they knew it severely distorted that they needed to take Ezri up on the offer. But he was also a bit of a hypocrite in that regard.

"Come on, I'm technically not on duty today--I can leave whenever I please."

"You look like you could use a drink. I could use a drink if I could decide what I want--not what all the other hosts want. Do you know how many times I've ordered raktajino by mistake? Quark tried to give me blood wine once." Ezri made a face, the memory making her nauseous again.

"So, what you're saying is you wormed your way in here when you weren't on duty, wouldn't leave me alone and gave me a physical all when you could have been doing something else. Something enjoyable. You know, I seem to remember you getting awfully upset at Kira when she tried something similar."

It was hard for Ezri to go back. From her perspective, everyone had already adapted to her presence on Deep Space Nine. She had trouble remembering that it was a very different situation here. And Dax of course wanted to pick up where she left off with her friends.

Life was hard sometimes.

"That sounds about right," he admits, because it's always easier to deal with this sort of thing by Not Thinking About It, as much as he's ever able.

"I've not been working constantly for days on end. We have four different Chief Medical Officers around here, cycling through duty shifts. I have more free time than I know what to do with, with all my research back on DS9." Not that he hasn't restarted some of it here on the Enterprise. He offers an arm to walk her to Ten Forward, just as if nothing at all was wrong.

"Doctor Crusher is the only one officially assigned here, of course. Then there's myself, Leonard McCoy, and...well, there's two of him, actually. One older, one younger." It's all incredibly complicated and they're going to spend weeks with Temporal Investigations when they get put back where they belong. "And others who aren't Starfleet. We've more doctors than anyone knows what to do with."

"Alright, so where shall we get to know each other? Or you get to know me. I already know you. Well, you kind of know me don't you? The Dax part. This is all way too confusing. I wasn't supposed to get the symbiont you know. But things happen, destinies change, and then just like that you're someone else. 9 different people. I didn't used to ramble either. I do that when I'm nervous. "

Ezri got up off the biobed and started to walk toward the door.

"If we have so many doctors on board the Enterprise, then you can afford to take some time off. Which means not lurking in sick bay. What are you doing for fun? Have another Alamo recreation here?"

"Ten Forward should be good enough, and we can get you that drink." And one for himself. Maybe quite a few. Maybe Guinan had some scotch behind the counter.

"Alamo? No, I don't..." She knew...rather more about him than Julian was expecting, given his relationship with Jadzia. Which, was, admittedly, about as close as he was to anyone. Within his limits, of course, until recently he'd always had to hold something back, and he was back to that again. He had to wonder just how close Ezri was to him in the future.

"It's not quite the same without the Chief. He's around here, but I've not spoken with him...He's from this timeframe, he's not met any of us."

"You're avoiding the question," Ezri remarked teasingly. "I just might take that to mean you don't actually have fun here. I bet I can do a great imitation of your CMO voice if you make me. "

Ezri reached over and offered him a hand as she stepped forward toward the sickbay doors. Julian had always been such a good friend. She didn't want to hurt him. But she had. And there had been no way around it. In a way it was good the Chief was current with this time line. That way he couldn't be hurt too. There was too much hurt going round.

"I am not avoiding the question," Julian says, indignant. He has fun, thank you. Reading is fun. He has holodeck programs. He has conversations with other transplants and crewmembers. So there.

He was excellent at hiding the hurt, the confusion, and the wondering if he'd tried, done all he could, because he knew he'd never give up on Jadzia. And it almost felt like he had to, because he couldn't make a decision that would end in the woman in front of him not being who she was, that wasn't fair to her.

It was maddening.

His pleasant expression falters only when they're safely in the turbolift, when no one can see but her, biting his lip because he can't ask what happened. He can't, because then he might be able to think of a way to stop it, and he can't.

Ezri turned her head toward him when the turbolift doors closed, and reached up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on his cheek. "You tried. You did. There was nothing you could do. There was nothing anyone could do. But you saved Dax. The one part of Jadzia you could help. "

Ezri was quite sure that right now was not time or place to go into how she actually never wanted the symbiont and kind of didnt mean to actually get it. One problem at a time. Julian was in for a ride if he thought she could order that drink on her own too.

"Are you sure you're up to Ten Forward?" It was awfully public.

His eyes close, because it's the best way for him to master the impulse to curse something. It helps him to wrench his emotions back under control. Not that he thinks that will really pass, because however they know each other, Ezri seems to be able to read him like a book. He was used to keeping most everyone fooled.

"...I knew it was possible that not all of us would survive. Likely, even. Nearly inevitable. We are right on the Dominion's doorstep, after all."

But it hurts to think about still. There's a difference between knowing something is probably going to happen and knowing that it does.

He opens his eyes again and glances down at her, struck by two thoughts simultaneously: her eyes looked almost exactly like Jadzia's, which due to happenstance of genetics seemed entirely irrational, and she was so much shorter than Jadzia.

"I'll be fine. I just hope Jadzia isn't there."

"Wait. What?" Ezri looked up at him, which was her normal way of looking considering how short she was. It was still odd to look at people from this angle, up instead of down. Ben, well, she was used to looking at Ben from all different heights. Jadzia had gotten used to that one, although Curzon's height and Jadzia's weren't that different. Ezri was significantly shorter than both of them.

"Jadzia's here. On the Enterprise?" She braced herself against the turbolift wall. "I think I'm going to be sick....although i have to admit, throwing up all over you is probably better than throwing up all over Jadzia."

"...well, best that you hear it now instead of walking into a room with her without expecting it. Also, please don't throw up on me." He doesn't have an antiemetic on him, he left the hyposprays in the sickbay where they belonged. You might be familiar with him, but he's not quite ready to be in the phase of the relationship where he can not be disgusted when someone loses their gastrointestinal integrity all over his boots.

"She arrived a fairly short while ago, yes. About a month."

Ezri leans against the turbolift wall, thinking non-queasy thoughts.

"Did I mention I also get space sick. I could even feel the station moving. Never used to happen before I got joined." She paused to swallow. "It's Torias. Because of what happened to him. I feel guilty. More than guilty actually. I feel horrible. I can't stop blaming myself. The first time I met the Captain I actually threw up all over the pilots console."

Ezri gave Julian a grin at her own expense. "Aren't you glad you're in a turbo lift with me?" There was nothing like vomit jokes to keep your mind off the fact that Jadzia was here.

"Why in the world would you feel guilty? You couldn't have done anything. He was satisfied with how he'd lived--he'd wished it'd been longer, of course, but well. He can't be blamed for that, given the circumstances." Julian remembered well Torias' feelings--his pride, his joy in life. He didn't have the burden of remembering how he'd died, that was all. He felt he knew Torias about as well as anyone could that didn't have the Dax symbiont inside of them.

"It's not too late to turn around and get an antiemetic."

" I should have realized that it wasn't ready for a test. I should have stopped and thought about it and realized I was being incredibly reckless and the result of that is Nilani was left alone. " Ezri paused to look at her friend. " I can remember what it felt like, Julian. The explosions, the way my lungs seared. You never do get used to it. Dying."

She did feel better, talking with it to her friend. "You're probably the best person of all to talk about this." Besides Jadzia. "We could make you an honorary counselor."

"Life is unpredictable. Even if you had noticed something wrong, fixed it, that doesn't mean everything would have gone off without a hitch. You've been in space long enough to know. Things go wrong. If not then, it could have been the next time, or the time after that."

Julian wasn't sure how comforting that was, but he knew probably about as much about death as he could for someone who'd never experienced it first hand.

He is so not drunk enough for this conversation. It's so far been nothing but reminders of an inevitable future that he really doesn't want to come to pass.

"My going rate at the moment is a bottle of scotch. Surely with the Chief aboard, there must be one around here somewhere that isn't synthetic." Feel free to chastise him, he knows how bad it is for him, but he doesn't care.

And chastise she will, but the time isn't right. And the turbolift wasn't the right place for this conversation. Thankfully, the doors slid open and Ezri stepped into the hallway.

"I know you're right. I guess all these memories have me a bit confused. I'm working on it, but it's not an overnight process. I think we both need a drink for this though. Come on." Then Ezri stopped and looked at Julian. "What if Jadzia's there? I can't avoid her forever."

She knew she was confusing Julian, and she was sorry. But it was so confusing and she was in such a weird place and the time line was going to be so screwed up. Was it any wonder Dax was overwhelmed. Hell, she was overwhelmed before she got taken by Q.

"I'm really sorry Julian. "

He has...okay, not no family history of alcoholism, but surely that had been taken out of his genetics. What point was there to stripping out whatever else had been wrong with him and leaving that behind?

"No, you can't. Especially not on a starship."

The Enterprise was large, but not so large as to avoid each other. Especially since he knew Jadzia--she would be curious, and want to speak with Ezri, surely. Not solely because they were both Trill, but that would have some relation, obviously. And if Jadzia saw him talking with her, that would only make her even more inclined to seek her out and speak with her.

"You should figure out what you're going to say when you meet her sooner rather than later." Take it from him, he knows how to hide things.

Ezri hung her head, shoulders slumping downward until she realized that was probably a bad position and was making her a tiny bit more nauseous.

"I know, I know. What can I say? Sooner or later I'll do something and she's going to figure it out! Can I really just say 'Hi, I'm Ezri. I kind of got the Dax symbiont after you by mistake and oh by the way you completely intimidate me.'" Ezri gave Julian a look. "Cause that sounds just great. I'm a real gift to the Dax line you see." It was true. Everyone else had brought something new and exciting to Dax. But Ezri? She wasn't as brazen as Curzon or full of life as Jadzia, as smart as Tobin or nimble as Emony. She was just Ezri. She wasn't even chosen. She didn't even want to be chosen.

"Think maybe Q will accept that this is all a horrible mistake and just send me back?"

"Don't you start," Julian says, voice quiet, but full of anger. He knew that she wasn't Jadzia. Not truly--even if she had the memories of Dax, Ezri was a completely separate person. But still--he couldn't stand the thought of her saying she wasn't good enough.

She should know why that is.

Ezri cocked her head and looked up at Julian, both sadness and a bit of anger and frustration creeping into her voice.

"You don't even know me Julian. You know how I got the symbiont? I was never trained. I never even wanted to be joined. Dax never even made it back to Trill. It took a turn for the worst and I was the only Trill on board. I hadn't even finished all my training yet." She hadn't accomplished anything, unlike Jazia and Emony and the rest who were brilliant on their own--had to be if they were to be accepted as hosts.

It was, perhaps, the frustration and anger and grief that he still hadn't been able to deal with talking--it wasn't fair to dump this on Ezri, because it's not her fault, but hearing her say in not so many words that she wasn't good enough hit all of his anger points.

"So what you're saying is that you're not good enough," he says, voice twisting as the mask drops further, if only for a moment, his anger at the concept blatantly obvious. If she knows him half as well as she thinks she does, she should know exactly how significant those words are to him. Significant and hated. "Which is a load of shite, otherwise you wouldn't be here at all."

"And just what is that supposed to mean? You don't even know me as Ezri Dax yet. You may know Jadzia, you may have heard of Curzon and the other hosts, but you don't know me Julian." Ezri let out all of her pent up anger, frustration and confusion out on the poor doctor.

"Dax should have gone back to Trill, where the Symbiosis Commission would have chosen someone to be joined. Someone who had gone through and passed the years of training! Instead, Dax got me. I don't even know who I am anymore, Julian! There are days when I don't know my name, or my gender or what year it is!"

Julian lets out a shaky breath, this is not helping--not in the least--he needs to get his emotions under control. He thinks he can be pardoned the reaction, though, considering the situation.

He runs his fingers through his hair, tugging lightly, and lets his back thump against the turbolift wall, taking a few minutes before responding to just breathe, compartmentalize his anger and his grief, lock it away in a corner of his mind. When he responds, it's prefaced by a breathy laugh.

"So you got a transformation you didn't ask for, and it's causing you an identity crisis. You think I don't know what that's like?" He'd had an extended one for over half his damn life.

Ezri took a deep breath. This wasn't working. He was worked up, she was worked up and it wasn't helping.

"I'm sorry. I'm confused and scared and I'm taking it out on you and that's not right. But," She continued, "You're not exactly a bastion of mental health yourself right now. You need time to process what happened to Jadzia. What will happen. Maybe I'm getting in the way of that."

[Sickbay]: Round Five Scans and Vaccines

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