hello from the other side ( open )
2016-Feb-03, Wednesday 05:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
New Orleans Open
Orient Express Open
Nothing has really been good for Beverly in months. She's had patches of wonderful, good things, but overall, since the day she left sickbay on the Enterprise-E to the Borg, nothing has gone well. Not overall.
And now, just when she thought she was managing her flashbacks and nightmares again, she woke up one morning to find Fatima gone. So the guilt has set in. And the worry. And everything else. Fatima was like a daughter to her and Beverly misses her with every fiber of her being. A part of her is so angry with Q, beyond angry, Beyond something simple. She has never liked him. Not even once.
But right now? Beverly Cheryl Howard Crusher is 1000% done with Q. If he leaves them alone today, it would still be too late.
So, here she is in the holodeck today. Most people will come across her sitting by a trashcan of fire in the middle of a back alley. She's instructed the holodeck to make the fire big, so it's pretty much a bonfire. A contained bonfire, but a bonfire nonetheless.
Fire is calming to her. She loves the flickering lights, the way it smells.
Fire helps her cope.
Fire is real. Even when it isn't.
Orient Express Open
If New Orleans isn't the destination of choice, a visitor might open the holodeck doors to find themselves on a train. Right now, it's empty, but that might change. Beverly herself is on the train, with her back facing the front of it.
That may or may not be intentionally symbolic.
Whatever the case, she's curled up on one of the seats, her legs tucked up and her head resting against the window as she watches the world go by. On the seat between her and the wall is a PADD, the one she's been trying to use since Deanna made her suggestion. For now, it's enough to watch and think. Maybe she'll turn the actual story on sometime.
Five more minutes.
Five more minutes to mourn, to watch the back of the train, her life.
Five more minutes to feel guilt that she isn't there with Fatima, that she knows what Fatima will go back to but she isn't there to help.
Five more minutes to wonder about the version of Beverly Crusher who should be in this timeline and to feel guilt about that, too.
Five more minutes to feel numb.